i am a nurse

Trippin’ over: Cool Girl by Tove Lo

I am a nurse. I have been one since I passed the licensure exam last 2007. I have been practicing my profession for more than 6 years. Quite long?! Some would say it is, for others it may seem like I am still just starting. Sometimes, I feel like I have aged because of my career, other times I feel like a young kid in this adult world.

When I was still young, I used to dream of becoming a doctor. I would dream of wearing the glamorous white coat with a shiny stethoscope around my neck, scribbling down in a prescription pad. I would dream of walking around the halls of a hospital with residents and fellows following me around. But circumstances changed and I ended up as a nurse. I still got my dream of working in a hospital (and I have this fascination with the sterile eerie feel and disinfectant smell of hospitals). The course of my life may be different from what I envisioned when I was still young, but I have a few realizations after practicing my career for quite some time.

for me, nurses are the unsung heroes of the hospital. we are the soldiers who are in the frontline, ready to  fight for the patient. Nurses are advocate and defenders of the patients, though some patients sees us as enemy. We are given little credit for all the things we do, yet we would gladly do it all over again; because we are nurses.
Here is the list of my rants and raves as a nurse. Enjoy!

1. Nurses are not doctors’ maids. Yes, I repeat, we are not maids of the doctors. I do respect the years the doctors spent cultivating all the knowledge they have, and the years they spent studying. I know they are only human; I know they also get irritated, tired and sleepy. I give my outmost respect to those doctors who respect and appreciate nurses. Yes, we may not be as knowledgeable as you, we may not know things that you know; but we are not your maids. Do not expect that for every change of dressing that you do, you could just leave all the mess you used. Please, have some decency to throw those trash you’ve used into the bin; it is just near you. The sharps that you used, please, have some decency to throw it properly, some of us might get pricked. Do not expect us to follow all your orders blindly. I know that you know a lot of things, but we have the right to question your decisions if we deemed that it will be harmful to our patients. We do not just follow all your orders; we also think of the rationale behind them and I think we have the right to question your judgement if we deem that you may be wrong. We respect doctors but you also have to respect us. I believe that we are a team who wants only the best for our patients, and with that please try not to bark orders as if we are your slaves and we will not be rude to you. respect us, and we will respect you.

2. Sometimes we are drained.  Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained.  I work a 12-hour shift. Most of the times I do not go home immediately after my shift ends. Those hours I spent after my shift are unpaid. Those hours are my sacrifices for the profession I chose. My duty does not stop once my 12-hour shift ended, I still have to endorse my patients to the incoming shift, I still have to make sure that my patient is okay, carry-out and facilitate the orders made by the doctors, and I still have to document all the things that happened during my duty.

   Physically most of the time we are abused. Sometimes I did not even peed for 12hours just because I have to do so many things. The lunch I am entitled to have? I ate my lunch at 5pm while checking the charts. Physically, nursing can be really exhausting and sometimes people do not see the sacrifices we do in order to make sure that our patients receive outmost care. Sometimes, patients or even relatives harass us. Sometimes they get mad at us for things we have no control of. The linens are not changed immediately? I am sorry but it is the housekeeping job to change it, and I still have 20 other patients to attend to. The bill was not yet finalize? I am sorry but I already closed your account an hour ago, forgive me if the billing section has not yet finalized your bill. Nurses are the front-liner in the hospital; every queries and complains of the patients are thrown at us. Sometimes despite all the efforts we do, despite all the care we rendered, some may not see it as enough.

3. The pay is never enough. I am lucky to be employed in a good company. I am lucky that the compensation is slightly higher than those who work in private hospitals. I consider myself lucky but the pay is not enough to ensure that I have sufficient savings for my future. It is not enough for me to start a family. It is not enough to make sure that I could live comfortably in the future. It saddens me that most nurses here opted to work in other countries. They preferred to work far from their family because the compensation for nurses abroad is so much higher than working here. I admire those who endure being far from their loved ones, just so they could give a brighter future for their family. I hope there will come a time that nurses will no longer need to work in another countries and leave their family behind.

4. We do not spend our time just writing. I once overheard a patient’s relative say that all nurses do is write in the chart. I was so pissed that I spoke and replied that documenting was one of our least priority. Some may not know that charting is the last thing that we do. Yes, we write stuff in the chart because we have to document all the events that happened in our shift. Yes, we scribble in the chart because we carry-out all the orders of the doctors and we have tons of forms to fill-up. We do not spend the majority of our shift just sitting down and writing. Documentation often times are the last thing that we do. We prioritize patient care first and ourselves last.

5. We miss our family. For the past 6 years I spent 4 new year’s eve and new year’s day at the hospital. This year I would spend christmas’ eve and Christmas day at the hospital. We work during the holidays. We go to work despite the storms and floods. Most of the time we miss spending holidays with our families. Sometimes travelling and vacation is not an option for us. Sometimes we even spend our birthdays at work. Most of the time, we rarely see our families because we go home late and we wake up in the wee hours of the day. For me my day-offs are carefully planned to spend time with my family and friends. During holidays when we have to work, we try to bring the festive season at work. We try to make our holiday duties a little happier and try not to think of our families.

   

6. New experiences and learnings. Every time I go to work I learn something new. I am fortunate that I am employed in a company who gives importance in making sure that its employees continuously learn, by giving free seminars. I would like say that every day is a new learning experience for me to hone me to become a better nurse.

7. The smile of patients and relatives are more than enough. Despite all the sacrifices we do, despite not being able to eat for 12 hours, one grateful smile from the patient is more enough for me. It still melts my heart whenever a patient or a relative appreciates all the efforts I made. Those grateful smiles and unspoken gratitude given by the patients are more than enough payment for all the sacrifices I made. The happiness and contentment I feel whenever I made a little difference for my patients is what makes me stay and in this career.

8. Friends. I am very fortunate to find rare crazy friends in this crazy world. I think we grew close not only because we like the same things, but because we appreciate one another. Friends for me, are those who always have your back, who walks beside you in just about every time, whom you can share your life and will still accept you despite all your flaws. I call my work friends playmates because despite the heavy workload, the toxic duties, working with them seems to help me view things a little brighter, it makes my work more fun.

   

 

Despite the long hours, the abuse, the toxic duty and heavy workload; I am glad I am a nurse. For me, nursing is not only a profession I chose but  a conscious effort to help make a difference in this world.  So for me, nurses rock!